When I agreed to carry a baby for another family, I thought I was helping them build the future they'd always wanted. I never imagined that one decision would lead to a battle that would return into our lives more than a decade later.
The fluorescent lights of the grocery store had a way of bleaching the hours together until a double shift felt like one long, humming day. I was 32 then, still living in a studio apartment where the radiator clanged like it had opinions, still tucking tip money into an envelope marked "COLLEGE" in a shoebox under my bed.
I had aged out of foster care at 18 with a garbage bag of clothes and a bus pass. Fourteen years later, I was still trying to figure out what real life was supposed to look like.
I had aged out of foster care.
My coworker, Marcy, noticed first. She always did.
"Emma, honey, you've been on your feet for 12 hours. You're swaying."
"I'm fine."
"You're not fine. You're saving for school at $12 an hour. That's not a plan, that's a slow drowning."
I laughed because if I didn't, I'd cry into the produce bins.
***
It was a regular customer, a quiet woman who bought the same yogurt every Tuesday, who told me about the surrogacy agency. She said the compensation could change a life and slid a card across the conveyor belt as if she were passing a key.
My coworker, Marcy, noticed first.
I sat on it for two weeks. Then I called.
The Hollisters met me in a glass office overlooking the river. Richard was tall with silver hair, and his wife, Vanessa, wore pearls that looked older than I was.
They held my hands as if I were already family.
"We've waited so long for this," Vanessa said. "You're an answered prayer, Emma."
"I just want to help, and honestly, I want to go to school. This would mean everything."
"Then we'll help each other," Richard said, smiling, though his eyes flicked once to his watch.
I told myself I had imagined it.
"We've waited so long for this."
We signed the paperwork in a conference room. Mr. Pierce, the Hollisters' attorney, slid pages toward me with a pen that probably cost more than my rent. He didn't smile, but lawyers never did, so I let that go too.
The first trimester passed in a blur of saltines and overtime.
Vanessa came to the early appointments wearing soft sweaters and perfume. She'd rest a hand on my belly and whisper:
"A healthy little one. That's all we want. Just a healthy one."
I'd nod.
I told myself every mother says that.
I told myself a lot of things back then.
We signed the paperwork.
Richard came once, checked his watch twice, and left before the ultrasound was printed. Vanessa apologized for him with a tight smile.
***
The week of the anatomy scan, halfway through the pregnancy, I went alone. The technician was kind at first, chatting about names and nurseries while she rolled the wand across my stomach. Then she went quiet, and her smile slid off her face like water.
She excused herself, and a moment later, the doctor stepped in, his voice careful as he mentioned soft markers for Down syndrome and asked if I could come back for additional testing.
Then she went quiet.
I gripped the edge of the exam table, a feeling rising in my chest that I couldn't yet name.
***
The phone rang twice before Vanessa picked up. I was sitting on the edge of my bed, still in my work apron, the ultrasound photo curled in my hand.
"Vanessa, it's Emma. The doctor called. They want us to come in together. It's about the baby."
"We've already spoken with Dr. Nguyen," she said. "Richard and I will meet you at our attorney's office tomorrow. Mr. Pierce will explain everything."
The line went dead before I could ask what there was to explain.
